Hopeless Batman Third Base Cases
by mickey chemical
Summary: AU. While her parents are away for the week, Ino gets her friends to help her run the flower shop. Sasuke and denial become BFFs, Sakura charms an older man, Kiba keeps seeing ghosts, and Ino starts to believe she's the last sane person in all of Konoha.


**Author's Notes:** Essentially what spawns from reading Batman comics after watching Naruto. To be taken _extremely_ lightly.

**Disclaimer:** Do not own.

**Enjoy!**

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**.**

Ino's parents booked a trip to the Bahamas and didn't invite her.

Okay, so she's twenty-one. Fair enough. But is that reason enough not to include their only daughter in such an infrequent, week-long, five-star excursion? She highly doubts it.

"It's the middle of summer, so it'll most likely be extremely hot and humid. You'd probably hate it." Her mother tries to convince her, as she stuffs multiple bathing suits in her suitcase.

"You could've asked me whether or not I'd hate it before you booked the damn trip." Ino mutters, rolling in the sheets on her parents' bed.

"Don't pout, dear, it's not attractive."

"Neither is pale skin."

"You can still get a tan in Konoha."

"Yeah, if I sit naked on the roof for eight hours."

In a word, Ino is furious. But also rather jealous. Life is a whole tangled mess of watching other people have the time of their lives while you sit and try to soak up some of the fun that they emanate. In other words, life sucks.

"Your father's leaving you in charge of the shop while we're gone. That'll pass the time." Because nothing passes the time better than _work_. "You can get your friends to help out, if you want. Not to mention there'll be a nice healthy paycheck for you at the end of this."

Ino pops her head out from under the blanket. She tries to mask her eagerness but fails miserably.

.

.

.

_Hopeless Batman Third-Base Cases_

.

.

.

For a flower shop, there are _way_ too many flowers in this place. Shikamaru, for one, is horribly allergic to pollen, underpaid and now sweaty because he had to jog over here because the music store where he works provides him with very, _very_ limited break time. All in all, not a good combination for his sinuses. He sneezes four times in a row before Ino notices he's there.

"To what do I owe the rare, unexpected pleasure?"

Shikamaru rubs his nose. "I have a very pressing last minute favor to ask of you." Ino raises her eyebrow. "Asuma and Kurenai sort of need you to prepare the floral arrangements for their wedding."

"Wedding…?" Ino repeats slowly. She twirls the pencil tucked behind her ear arbitrarily and stares expectantly at her boyfriend.

Shikamaru nods.

"Should I even _ask_ when it is?"

"Probably not. I wouldn't want to give you an aneurism or anything. But, you know, hey, you work best under pressure, am I right? You always come out on top, one way or another. My little fighter, you got that right."

"Shika – "

"It's Saturday."

Ino sighs. "_This_ Saturday?"

Shikamaru nods again, looking slightly more apologetic.

"Hell, my parents probably haven't even reached the Bahamas yet." She mutters exasperatedly.

"They were gonna get the flowers done somewhere else but the place had a huge fire or something. You're the first person I thought of."

"Yeah I better be the first person you thought of. Unless you're cheating on me with another florist."

"Does that mean you'll do it?"

.

Naruto is wearing Sasuke's shirt. Sasuke finds this disheartening.

"Why are you wearing my shirt." Sasuke doesn't intend for it to be a question.

"Eh?" Naruto looks down at his shirt. "You left it at my house, I think. I don't know. It's comfy."

Sasuke nods. Naruto stands on his tippy-toes to water one of the hanging baskets, but even then he isn't tall enough.

"Let me help you – " Sasuke reaches up to take the watering can from Naruto's hands and it takes him a second to realize that his chest is flush against the blond's back. He takes a step back. "Uh, I. I got this." Sasuke motions to the basket.

"Okay." Naruto says quietly.

Sasuke takes a deep breath.

.

Kiba makes it very clear that he will _not_, under _any_ circumstances help out. This is partially due to the fact that he lives on the other side of Konoha, doesn't own a car and detests public transit, partially due to the fact that he works at a pet shop with lots of dander and might send Shikamaru into anaphylactic shock should the two ever cross paths. Kiba is a caring guy.

He doesn't have anything against Ino or her flower shop, he just has a strange feeling that working there would damage his rep.

"_What_ rep?" Ino demands when he calls to break her the news. "And how would this alleged 'rep' you so thoroughly believe you have, be tarnished by working for, like, three days – tops – at my store?"

She doesn't get it.

The thing is though; Hinata calls him on Monday morning, begging for him to show up. He can't really understand what she's saying, other than the initial _"you've gotta come here _now_"_, because she sounds like she's whispering and calling from a shitty phone, but Kiba is a caring guy and therefore would never pass up the chance to rescue a damsel in distress. Especially if that damsel is Hyuuga Hinata.

He can't say he's in love with her _per se_, but there are moments where it comes very freakishly close to appearing that way. It all pretty much started when she had to tutor him in geometry for four months in the eighth grade. Back then she had much shorter hair that kept falling in her face whenever she tried to show him how to use a protractor so as a thank you present, he bought her a pearl barrette. It was something in the way she smiled and blushed when she thanked him, and Kiba's been hooked ever since.

Fuck.

Hinata is surrounded by four guys. Two of which are practically salivating, one is spitting out awkward questions and the other seems to just be observing her. Nevertheless, she looks frustrated and a little scared and appears to be unsuccessfully beating them off with a decorative arrangement of sticks. Kiba thinks of the irony. She looks like she might die from relief when she spots him.

"You know guys, I-I'm really flattered and all, but I've got a boyfriend." She points at Kiba and okay, this is news to him.

Four heads snap around like whiplash and their eyes go from ogling, to narrowed and staring icily at Kiba. He holds his hands up in surrender.

"Hey, don't blame me you fell for the forbidden fruit." The questioning looks he's getting for some reason make him feel bold. He saunters over to Hinata, swings his arm around her neck and kisses her very briefly on her cheek. Although with his aim, his lips end up on the uplifted corner of her mouth. Hinata doesn't blush _too_ furiously, but she does giggle and hits him lightly.

That and Kiba's size pretty much deters her previous suitors and they seem to separate and slither away like the slime they are. Kiba feels Accomplished.

"Sorry about that." Hinata says. "I didn't know who else to call."

"Yeah, those bloodsuckers were no match for me." Kiba grins.

They stay there smiling at each other for a moment, when Hinata coughs a little, and Kiba realizes his arm is still around her neck. He quickly retracts it.

.

Sasuke corners Ino while she's watering chrysanthemums.

"Naruto. He's incompetent."

"He's cute." She says without looking up. "You like him."

"You should fire him."

"Technically, he doesn't work here. Neither do you, for that matter. Also, you would go crazy if I fired him."

Sasuke sputters for a second. He quickly regains composure. "I'm gonna go crazy either way, Ino. Why don't you just put me out of my misery?" And with that, he stalks off.

.

Ino is fixing up the display of bouquets outside the shop when she spies something red, blue and shiny off in the distance. She ignores it at first, but when she looks up again, she notices that it has a ponytail and it's headed her way. As lady luck would have it, turns out it's just Sasuke's weird older brother Itachi. Ino knows a thing or two about weird relatives. She's got a cousin in Iwa that paints his nails bright purple and protests post-modern art exhibitions. She's pretty sure he's into pyro, too, and his list of charms just keeps getting longer and longer.

"Itachi." She says, gaping slightly because what the hell, she didn't know they made sparkly tracksuits. "What – how can I help you?"

"Just out for my daily jog. Thought I'd stop by to see Sasuke." He deadpans.

"How… considerate of you."

They stand in painfully awkward silence for a moment.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Is he here?"

"Uh, yeah, let me go get him."

She's about to speed race inside, because she doesn't think she can handle another second of Sasuke's brother looking so expressionless and peculiarly _fabulous_ at the same time, but Sasuke's already standing in the doorway. Okay, so apparently Uchihas can sense each other's presence. Freaky.

Sasuke glares. Itachi glares back. If it's just gonna be this weird staring contest, Ino's going back to the flowers.

"What are you doing here?" Sasuke finally asks.

"So now I can't visit my brother?" Itachi throws his arms up, all the while keeping a blank face. "God, I thought you grew out of your douchey scrutinizing phase when you were like seventeen."

Sasuke scowls. "Shouldn't you be at work?" his face contorts briefly in confusion. "Wait. Do you even _have_ a job?"

"One of the perks of being father's favorite."

"What? Living at home 'til you're twenty-seven?"

Watching their little exchange, Ino almost laughs, but refrains out of fear that they might try to kill her with their eyes. If looks could kill, man. Also, she has a feeling that during the zombie apocalypse, she'll need at least _one_ of the Uchihas on her side.

.

"I think Sasuke may be Batman." Naruto announces to the break room.

"Do we even want to hear this?" Sakura asks. Ino silently seconds her, remembering the time Naruto tried to convince them all that his advanced calculus teacher was actually Darth Vader. Two and a half hours and three pizzas later, their Friday night had magically disappeared through their fingers.

"No, think about it. He's dark, rich and brooding."

"His parents weren't shot in front of him as a child." Chouji pipes up between mouthfuls of sandwich.

"Okay, fine. But he's got a Swiss army knife. And I'm sure he keeps a bat boomerang in that thing. _And_ I clearly remember him getting all sentimental and crap over that Discovery Channel documentary on bats."

"I'm outta here." Sakura shouts as she stands up, fiercely saluting Ino and Chouji.

.

Ino is demonstrating to Sai how to wrap the perfect bouquet when she hears a crash from the back of the store. It's a very unsettling crash too, not just the sound a tin of fertilizer makes when it falls off the shelf; more of a shatter-into-billions-of-shards kind of a crash.

"Excuse me a moment." She says to Sai, who in return smiles at her. The smile is almost more unsettling than the crash.

She weaves in and around various displays of flowers until she reaches the back, where she comes upon Tenten leaning over what used to be one of the expensive blue glass vases and is now a sharp mess.

"Ino. I am _so _sorry. I promise, this won't _ever_ happen again." She apologizes furiously. "I'll go get a broom. Or like, a vacuum or something. Shit I'm so sorry. Never again. Really."

Ino sighs. She can't wait for her parents to get back.

.

"You're super flawed. Just like Bruce Wayne."

"How the hell is Bruce Wayne relevant?" Sasuke demands.

Naruto scoffs. "Teme. Bruce Wayne is _always_ relevant."

.

When Kurenai and Kakashi walk in, Ino's got the arrangements on the table, adding some finishing touches to them, and Sakura's the only other person in the room. Ino knows right away that this is not a good thing.

Kurenai was supposed to come in to check out the floral arrangements with Asuma, but as it turns out, he had to go to his tux fitting. Logically, then, Kurenai dragged along the next best thing: the best man. And she literally _dragged_ him along, too. She barged into his hotel room that morning, shook him awake (he was trying to sleep off nasty jet lag) and threatened to burn all his porn if he didn't go with her right that second. Which partially explains why the man's shirt and pants don't match and he's standing aloofly with half-lidded eyes, although Ino's heard from Shikamaru that that's just the way he usually is.

"Well, Kurenai, what do you think?" Ino asks, stepping aside to give her a better view of the flowers.

"Ino, they're beautiful. You really outdid yourself."

Ino smiles graciously, all the while keeping an eye on Sakura from her peripheral. The girl looks like she's about to pounce. Mama lioness preparing to fetch dinner for her cubs. Ino shudders.

"Kakashi, what do you think?"

The snapping of Kurenai's fingers seems to awaken the silver-haired man from his obviously bored stupor.

"A flower is a flower is a flower, as far as I'm concerned. Your wedding's not gonna be beautiful because of superficial, temporary accessories like flowers, but because it's a celebration of you and Asuma's love." Kakashi somehow stems out. Kurenai pecks him on the cheek.

"Thanks…" Ino mumbles.

"You know, Kakashi, was it? I completely agree with you. Flowers are nice and all, but how long do they last, I mean really. Not to mention I can't tell the difference between a daisy and a daffodil, but I guess that's why I'm just a cashier, right? But you're right; weddings aren't about the decoration, they're about the eternal celebration of love. If you ask me, a wedding should just be two people and a Konoha city hall judge or official or whatever. I think that's how my parents did it. Anyway whatever happened to eloping? The good old days before weddings became a big flashy show? I'm tired of it all. Who needs flowers anyway?" By the end of her speech, Sakura is all out of breath.

Kakashi smirks. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?"

"Sakura. Haruno Sakura. Pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine." Kakashi takes Sakura's hand and makes a big production of swooping over like the fucking cavalier he is to press a quick kiss to it. Sakura swoons. Ino gags.

Kurenai laughs like this is the most normal thing in the world for Kakashi to have just done. "Come on, Hatake, you're buying me lunch. Thanks again Ino; we'll be back soon."

"He's fucking dreamy." Sakura sighs when it's just the two of them again.

"For future reference, Sakura, it's a really great thing to say things like _who needs flowers anyway_ in front of a customer. I might have to put that on our brochure."

.

"What kind of flaws does Batman have?" Sasuke asks Sakura that evening as she's ringing up a customer.

"Hell if I know." She hisses. "Thank you for shopping at Yamanaka Flowers, have a nice evening."

The old man at the cash looks from Sasuke, to Sakura and back again before leaving.

"What kind of flaws do _I _have?"

"You're kidding right?"

"No."

Sakura turns around. "Alphabetically or chronologically?"

Sasuke glares at her as she heaves herself up onto the counter. She starts swinging her legs and barely misses his gut. He thinks that's intentional.

"Chronologically? How does that even work?"

"Well, before we dated I didn't think you _had_ flaws. Of course, we dated in sophomore year of high school and I was young and naïve, and though you so obviously _did_ have flaws, I chose to ignore them and look what that got me." She ponders for a second. "I think the first flaw of yours that I picked up on was that you took too long to fix your hair. And that you had a tendency to be emotionally distant. I actually think that was the root cause of our break up."

"Great. Thanks for your help." Sasuke says sarcastically.

He starts retreating into the break room. Sakura grins. "Wait, is this because Naruto compared you to Batman?" She asks. Sasuke stops and turns around.

She rests her chin in her hand and drums her fingers on the counter. "Well?"

"No." He grumbles and turns back around.

.

"Don't worry, Kakashi's just Kakashi." Kurenai says as though it's a feasible explanation. "I didn't really pay attention to what he said before; I still want flowers at the wedding."

Ino smiles into the receiver of the phone and ads another elaborate swirl to her doodle depiction of the upcoming wedding.

"The ones we saw today were really beautiful, Ino, really. The thing is, I mean, I think I'm gonna want at least five times what you had there today."

Ino snaps the tip of the lead on her pencil. "Kurenai, I showed you twenty arrangements and five original bouquets. That's more than enough."

"It's just that I _love_ poppies. And I know Asuma does too. You know we met near a poppy field."

Crushed and defeated by the romanticism and totally cursing whoever started the philosophy of the customer always being right, Ino gives in. "Okay, sure. I guess it wouldn't be a problem to quintuple it. And I'll have them delivered to the venue Saturday at noon."

"Perfect."

Ino hangs up and bangs her head against the wall. Parents _suck_.

.

Neji shows up one day.

Well he rolls up, more accurately, driving a fancy European car and demanding to know what he can do to help. Although it's a nice gesture, Rock Lee already showed up demanding to know what he could do to help, and proceeded to mop the floors in the main room until they sparkled. Ino's pretty sure no entrance would ever be able to top that one.

He doesn't even get a chance to get out before Hinata is running over to his car and quietly sending him away.

.

Naruto can distinctly feel something on his cheek.

"Don't move. You've got a spider on your face." Shino whispers, as if speaking loudly would hurt its feelings, like what the fuck Shino.

Sasuke walks into the room just in time to witness Shino gently stroking Naruto's cheek.

"Oh come ON!" He yells, throwing his hands up exasperatedly.

.

"Hey, Hinata. You look really nice today. Clipping lavender I see. It matches your eyes."

"Kiba? What are you doing here?"

Kiba turns around, startled, and casts a condescending look towards Ino. "I could ask you the same question."

"Well, we're standing in front of the flower shop that my parents own, so…"

"Ah. Right. Carry on then."

Ino starts walking past him, carrying two grocery bags in one hand and clutching a parcel in the other, when he stops her.

"Hey, do you need help with that?"

Ino immediately shoves the grocery bags at his chest. A box of extra-strength tampons falls out. Kiba blushes like a madman. Ino rolls her eyes.

"They're just tampons. Be a man."

"They're just tampons. Be a man." Kiba mimics childishly and bends down to pick the box up.

It's at that exact moment that Hinata decides to pop her head out the door with the very firm intention of asking Ino where she keeps the hydrangea fertilizer.

"Oh, Ino, you're back, perfect. I was just – " Hinata's eyes slowly lower from a parcel-carrying Ino to a Kiba very intently scanning a box of tampons.

Her eyes widen for a fleeting moment before she bursts out into giggles. She keeps laughing while gasping, "N-never mind," and returns back inside.

"Well great." Kiba mutters.

.

Sakura somehow convinces Kakashi to let her show him around town. Ino is marginally impressed.

"Ino," she whines, "let me borrow your blue dress. The short one with no straps that shows off my boobs really well."

"Tarting yourself up for this guy won't win his heart."

Sakura steps in front of the TV, but moves when Ino waves her away. "First, you're the one who owns the damn dress. Second, I don't want to win his heart; I just wanna get in his pants."

Ino stops flipping channels for a moment. She lands on the Spanish shopping network. "How old is he anyway?"

"_Older_, mom, thank you very much. Old enough to be Asuma's best man. I need to make a good impression."

"Right…"

"Dress?"

"In my closet."

"Love you."

"Consider it payment."

.

Ino gets a call from Sasuke while she's heating up her microwave dinner.

"Ino. He's at my house."

She flops down on the kitchen floor. "Who? Who's at your house?"

"Naruto."

"What's wrong with that? You guys are best friends."

There's silence on the other end and a muffled sound and then Sasuke hisses, "He was playing Call of Duty and then Itachi came in and started. Like. _Hitting _on him."

The microwave beeps. Ino stands up and pops the door open. "So you're jealous?" The cardboard tray containing her gooey mac and cheese is scalding hot and she burns some of the fingers on her right hand.

"What?" Ino can almost hear Sasuke seethe on the other end. "I am in no way _jealous_ of Itachi." He says matter-of-factly. So matter-of-factly that Ino almost buys it. "Oh my god I think he's trying to massage Naruto's shoulders!"

She digs around the drawers for a fork and takes a large bite of her dinner. "Sasuke, you love him. Why don't you just face the fact and give me some peace and quiet?"

"I. Don't. Love. Him." Sasuke spits. His teeth sound clenched.

"Suit yourself." Ino replies sweetly, and hangs up the phone.

.

Sakura makes sure to hold Kakashi's hand while she's showing him around. She read in one of her Cosmo magazines (the ones she _was not_ just reading hours before tonight to brush up on some tips because it's been eons since she's been on a proper date) that one way to show a man that you're interested is by making as much casual physical contact as possible. Though she suspects Kakashi read her intentions the moment he spotted her in that dress.

"And this is actually _the_ best place to get coffee in December. Mostly around Christmas time, because they decorate it beautifully and somehow put up with me for twelve hours straight when I was cramming for midterms one year."

"Is the coffee no good any other time of year?"

"No, it's fine, but the magic's kind of gone at that point, you know?"

Kakashi nods, looking into her eyes, and shakes the very pressing temptation to kiss her.

They keep walking. At one point they pass the bar that used to serve minors that Sakura once got so hammered at, she had to crash at Ino's place to avoid any awkward encounters with her parents. It might actually be the same place where Naruto and Sasuke made out for a good three minutes on a dare that they never spoke of again. Sakura doesn't mention either to Kakashi, though.

"What about places to eat?" he asks.

"Well this place coming up I _think_ has pretty good food, except the guy that took me there once was a total jerk so that pretty much tainted all my memories of it." Sakura shudders. "Uh, anyway, over there is Ichiraku's Ramen Stand. It's kind of the best ramen you will ever taste but don't tell Naruto I admitted that. He's like their number one customer."

"Why don't we eat here then?"

It takes a while for Sakura to process the question but Kakashi tugs on her hand to lead her across the street and _fuck_ his face is chiseled in a really sexy fireman kind of way so yeah, they could eat at a shitty ramen stand for dinner. Fine with her.

They end up going through five collective bowls of ramen, in between countless glasses of cool, bitter sake and exactly eight stolen kisses. Kakashi looks at her like the world's about to end with glazed eyes and one hand in the small of her back, and Sakura counts this as one of the better dates in her lifetime. It's not even a question when she shares the cab ride back to his hotel room.

.

Sakura's almost-sort-of-pretty-much naked and she's sweaty and nervous and so _damn_ determined, kissing Kakashi roughly, furiously and lacing her fingers through his hair, pressing and pulling while he strokes her hipbones with the pads of his thumbs. He runs his hands up and down her sides and she can feel every single nerve ending exploding under his fingers. It's something like magic.

.

When Sakura wakes up she's all alone and there's big band music playing from _somewhere_. All the trumpets work their way inside her head and she shuts her eyes tight in attempt to make it go away. She can't remember how much she had to drink last night, and as she tries to think back her stomach lurches a little and growls a lot and she's naked. It's about that point that the door opens and Kakashi steps in, carrying coffee and muffins. She grabs around for the blanket to cover herself up a little.

"You were still asleep when I woke up so I just went out to get some breakfast." Kakashi explains, handing her the Styrofoam cup. He sits lightly on the edge of the bed.

"Great." Sakura answers, and her voice sounds worn out.

"You like blueberry muffins, right?" He asks easily, handing her one. She takes a big bite, savoring _food_. Then he looks her dead in the eyes and says, "Last night was a mistake."

Sakura almost chokes. She doesn't though; she looks at him expectantly as she chews and takes a sip of the piping hot coffee.

"It. Just. Things went a little too fast last night and they got out of hand. I – uh, just think it'd be wise if this didn't happen again."

Her eyes widen. She shakes her head and pushes the food back into Kakashi's hands so she can crawl to the other end of the bed and gather her clothes from off the floor.

"I'm, um. I'm gonna change and. Yeah." Sakura stumbles out quickly so that she doesn't have to keep talking in front of him _naked_ and runs into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

She splashes some water on her face and looks up at her stupid, hungover face in the mirror. "Stupid. You're so _stupid_." She mutters at her reflection.

Sakura gets changed in record time, but the dress feels heavier than it did yesterday and she feels like she looks more ridiculous than she did yesterday, and attempts to comb back her hair with her fingers.

When she reemerges, Kakashi stands up from the chair he was sitting in.

"Do you want me to see you out?" He's got the nerve to ask, despite sounding genuinely concerned.

"I'm fine." Sakura says quietly as she brushes past him, sending him one final angry, confused look before leaving.

.

Ino wakes up to the persistent buzzing of her doorbell. She groans, stifling a yawn, and gets up.

When she pads down the hallway and opens the door, Sakura is standing before her, look like a total mess.

"Are you – "

"He said it was all a mistake."

Ino opens the door all the way. Sakura heads straight for Ino's bedroom and plunks down on her bed.

"He told me things were 'going too fast' for his liking." Sakura feels her eyes swell up with tears. Ino sits down next to her.

"Too fast? Isn't that the whole concept of one-night-stands?"

"That's what I thought."

"I'm sorry. I know you liked him."

Sakura lies down to rest her head in Ino's lap. "And you know what sucks? I think I was starting to maybe like him as more than just a one-night-stand. He would say really these great things and… and would look at me like I was the only other person on the planet. Nobody's _ever_, you know…" she trails off.

Ino makes a pact to smash this guy's face in the next time she sees him.

.

When Ino is sure everybody's at the store, she calls the first – and most likely the last –official meeting of the week. It's Friday. Everyone sort of just piles into the break room and sits Indian style on the floor while she stands at the front, waiting to talk.

She clears her throat. "So, uh, I guess I call this meeting to order." Somebody tries to start up a round of applause, but no one really follows their lead. "As you know, Asuma and Kurenai's wedding is tomorrow and because it's essentially going to be a perfect, fairytale dream wedding, they've ordered upwards of a hundred floral arrangements." She still has about thirty left to make. Fantastic. "So tomorrow, everyone's gonna partner up and bring like fifteen or twenty arrangements to the venue."

Ino looks around. She feels satisfied. Like a boss. "Okay. That's it. Just. Yeah."

.

"Naruto let me out." The closet door whines grumpily.

Sasuke's been avoiding Naruto like the plague. It was a little funny at first, when he would excuse himself and flee if Naruto so much as batted an eyelash, but now it's just plain annoying. This morning Naruto needed help moving some of the big, heavy ceramic flowerpots out of the stockroom (which is in the _basement_), but Sasuke was too busy rearranging the seed packets they keep by the cash to help him out. That's essentially how Naruto figures that Sasuke is pretty peeved about something, because he never misses an opportunity to show off how much stronger than Naruto he is. It may be childish, but that's really what Naruto's come to expect of him.

Naruto goes out on a limb and assumes that it's the Batman comment that's got Sasuke off his rocker. So he does what anyone else would, and gets Ino to lock Sasuke in the broom closet so that he can confront the bastard.

"Why would you assume that I'm the one that arranged for you to get tossed in there?" Naruto asks, feigning innocence.

"Honestly, who else would benefit from me being _tossed_ into a closet?"

"I know lots of people who want you out of the closet. Not so many that would want you in," Ino points out.

Naruto glances at Sakura, who is reading a magazine by the cash.

"Don't look at me. That ship sailed long ago." She says.

"Got it." Naruto nods. "Alright Ino, I'm going in. If I'm not out in half an hour, come rescue me."

Ino unlocks the door. "Aye-aye, captain."

Naruto steps inside and hears the door click behind him. Sasuke is sitting on the floor with his knees tucked into his chest. Next to him are two brooms, a mop, and three buckets. Naruto sniffs around.

"Ugh, it smells like lemon pine in here." He groans, crinkling his nose.

"Welcome to my world."

"Stop being such a drama queen. You've been in here for five minutes."

"Oh yeah that reminds me… _why exactly_ am I in here again?" Sasuke bites.

Maybe it's the dull glow seeping into the dark closet through the crack under the door, illuminating Sasuke in a strangely sobering light, or the fact that they've been best friends, rivals and everything in between since age eight, but Naruto's feeling oddly serene in here, with his back pressed up against the wooden door and Sasuke's knees touching his shins. Sasuke seems to catch onto Naruto's mood pretty quickly because he looks up then, scowl fading off his features, head quirked up in curiosity. Naruto resists the urge to admit to being very fervently in love with him.

"You know," Naruto smiles seductively, though he doesn't suspect that Sasuke can see it too clearly. "I always thought Batman was sexy."

Instantly, Sasuke's scowl reappears.

"I don't get why you're so mad that I compared you two. You should be honored."

"I'm not mad."

"I'm gonna pretend for a moment that I believe you and ask, then why have you been in such a pissy mood?"

Sasuke doesn't answer.

"Come on, Sasuke. Talk to me. Talk to Naru-chan."

Naruto's knees lock for a second and he stumbles forward a little, bracing his hand on the wall above Sasuke's head. The Uchiha grumbles something into the crook of his elbow.

"What's that, Sassy?"

"I don't love you." Sasuke repeats. He tilts his head up and it instantly dons on him the short proximity between his mouth and Naruto's. If he just leaned his head up a little –

Naruto decides to kiss him then.

It doesn't last long; it's more of a brief brush of their lips than a proper kiss, but it's real and amazing and it's enough to make Naruto's legs shake and give in from beneath him (the traitors) so that he falls, not so gracefully, on top of Sasuke.

Sasuke's turned a violent shade of red and his eyes are frantic and everywhere except meeting Naruto's. "I thought I told you – "

"For a guy who's known me since third grade, you sorely underestimate my lie-detecting abilities."

Sasuke sighs dejectedly but makes more room for Naruto, who sprawls across his lap like he belongs there and Sasuke concedes that maybe he does. Naruto grins and twists his head, leaning in for another kiss – a proper one this time – and Sasuke can feel the radiance against his lips and bursting out every inch of his heart.

.

Ino is about to close up shop when she spots Shikamaru crossing the street carrying a bag full of what Ino hopes is Chinese takeout. He rushes over to her and presses a chaste kiss to her lips.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry for not stopping by to help out yet. And for the whole Asuma-Kurenai crisis."

"I hope this is your apology, Mr. Nara." Ino smiles, gesturing to the bag in his hand.

"Szechwan, your favorite."

"Mmm. I knew I kept you around for _something_."

Shikamaru nods to the dark shop. "You're not closing up are you?"

Ino shakes her head and starts pushing him inside. "You owe me a candlelight dinner. I'm not giving that up just cause it's after-hours."

.

When Hinata arrives home that night, Kiba is sitting on her doorstep.

"Uh, Kiba…?" she starts, which makes him look up. "Why are you…?"

"I came by an hour ago but nobody was home. I figured you'd get back before Hiashi so I stayed."

Hinata nods. Kiba rubs the back of his neck. He looks nervous.

"Is there something you needed to say?" She asks him tentatively.

"I'm pretty sure I've loved you for seven years and I'm trying to figure out how this kind of stuff happens."

Hinata puts her bag down on the pavement and sits down on the step next to Kiba. She rests her head on his shoulder.

"You know. I used to stutter really badly before I met you." She says, staring off into the distance a little. "Is that a lame thing to be telling you?"

"Can I tell you something lamer?" Kiba asks in reply. She nods. "You're the sweetest, most beautiful girl I know and… and it's like you don't even realize it."

There's a few seconds of silence before Hinata whispers, "I don't think that's lame."

Kiba smiles, a little dejectedly. Hinata smiles back; that same smile she's been smiling since they were kids, and as she laces her fingers with his, he figures yeah, he could get used to this.

.

When Ino walks up to the flower shop the next morning, Kakashi is leaning against the door. She sighs and jingles her keys.

"I need to open up."

"I need to talk to Sakura."

They speak at the same time. Kakashi drops his head. Ino takes a step back and examines him. His hair is disheveled, his clothes are wrinkled and he's got purple bags under his eyes.

"Tell me you didn't sleep out here last night."

"I didn't sleep out here last night." Kakashi says tiredly, rubbing his eyes. "It was Asuma's stag party and somewhere in between the sake and the scantily clad women I realized that I can't leave things the way I did with Sakura. Which is why I need to talk to her. Pronto."

"Well you're out of luck. I don't exactly think she wants to talk to you." Ino replies, pushing passed the very, _very_ frazzled man to unlock.

"Kakashi?"

The two spin around to see Sakura strolling down the street. She looks baffled, irritated and a little sad and isn't Ino supposed to be crushing his skull in by now?

"Sakura, oh thank God. I need to talk to you." Kakashi places his hands on her shoulders.

Ino shakes her head. Things can never be _easy_, can they?

"No, I don't think that's a good idea." Sakura replies, trying unsuccessfully to shrug him off.

"Please? I was out of line the other day and see, I don't think I was in my right mind and I just. I need to talk to you."

"Fine."

"Sakura, I think I may love you."

Ino sweat-drops. This is getting embarrassing.

"Are you drunk?" Sakura asks, pressing a palm to Kakashi's forehead. He ignores her.

"When I said that things were going too fast, I meant to say that I do quite like you, Sakura. And I didn't – I don't want this to just be a one-night-stand." Sakura nods. Kakashi continues. "And because I live so far away… I don't know. But, I still need a date to the wedding later, if you're interested?"

Sakura looks at Ino, then back. "I think I'll pass. But hey, maybe next time you're in town, you could give me a call."

Kakashi nods and smiles so that his eyes crinkle a little. Sakura pecks him on the cheek, and his hands linger over her shoulders for a little while afterwards, before he takes off walking in the opposite direction.

"That was oddly… mature of you." Ino muses as she opens the door. The bell chimes and Sakura follows her inside.

.

Sasuke shows up to work wearing a batman t-shirt.

Nobody really questions him about it because nobody's really in the mood for him to go swirling back into his pit of denial, but Naruto grins wide when he sees it. Ino is momentarily shocked but not altogether surprised when Sasuke flings an arm around the blond's waist and says that they're riding to the venue together because although it was a long time in the making, haven't they, like, always been together anyway? The world seems relatively in balance today.

Kiba actually _shows up_, which Ino is fairly happy about, and with his hand interlocked with Hinata's, no less. The couple receives a long, exaggerated catcall from Naruto, to which Kiba hisses, "Oh like you're any better."

Ino laughs. "Okay, let's just get everything packed up and delivered already."

.

Sasuke treats everyone to dinner that night, but don't call him generous. It's Chouji's idea that everybody goes out for dinner to celebrate the successful delivery and week in general and Naruto's idea that Sasuke, the rich bastard, should pay for it all. Everybody high fives each other and pats Naruto on the back when Sasuke isn't looking because let's face it, at this point, Naruto's the one person he can't possibly say no to.

They all pile into a small diner a few miles up from where the wedding's being held, to make it easy on Shikamaru, who promised to rejoin them after the ceremony. To make enough room for everybody, they have to push a few tables together and squish together in the booths so that they're sitting elbow to elbow. Strangely, despite the comfortable discomfort, everything about it feels _right_.

"Man, I can't remember the last time we were all out like this." Hinata giggles, whooped up on adrenaline and giddy from feeling the soft heat radiating off Kiba's forearm.

The food is possibly the best any of them have ever tasted and it's free, so naturally, they order a whole bunch and just share it all. Everyone's shouting and fighting and laughing and Sai knows he's just a mild-mannered on-looker, like the majority of the other customers there, but he can't help wish he were more than just a spectator.

He only knows Ino through Naruto and Sakura and even then, he's only known them since last semester. He only even agreed to help because Naruto had looked at him with this look like they'd known each other their entire lives and this was the most natural thing in the world. Their whole group, though, is crazy and fascinating, which makes it that much more difficult for Sai to understand why he so desperately wants to be part of it all. Something brushes against his foot and snaps him from his thoughts. He looks up to see Tenten blushing and muttering apologies as she reaches for the other half of Sasuke's grilled cheese and Sai thinks that he might want to paint her someday.

Shikamaru finally shows up just as the waitress in setting a large strawberry cheesecake down on the middle table. He grabs a chair from another table and sets it next to Ino.

"Took you long enough." She says, really meaning to sound… not so happy. "Where've you been?"

"Waiting for him," Shikamaru sighs, motioning to the entrance of the diner where Kakashi is standing awkwardly. "He had to make a speech."

Ino sees Sakura excuse herself from the table and rush over to him. She herself almost jumps up too, to like, mediate or something but the two are kissing now, so she stays put and snuggles into Shikamaru's side just in time to watch a rosy-cheeked Lee attempt to make a toast.

.

"How cool would it be if we were all ninjas?" Naruto asks the occupants of the break room Sunday afternoon while everyone's waiting for Ino's parents to get back. They all immediately jump up and scramble to the door. All except for one.

Naruto takes the opportunity to walk over to Sasuke, plop down in his lap and kiss him very openly on the mouth.

Sasuke grins. "So cool."

**FIN**

**A/N:** See, now what did I tell you?


End file.
